Edward Snowden = Carmen Sandiego

Edward Snowden is Carmen Sandiego.

No, no! WAIT! I know what you're thinking, but stick with me for a minute!

Ok. 

He stole something from the Chief.

Read: The US. And they want to capture the thief and get back that which was stolen.

Snowden has international syndicate of people helping him get around the world and cover his tracks, so as to prevent apprehension.

 

Read: China, Russia, Cuba, Venezuela, Wikileaks, etc. Obviously Russia is Eartha Brute.

There's a gaggle of teenage gumshoes (at times in raspberry berets!) trying to catch him.

Read: The FBI and NSA.

And no matter how much people shout at the gumshoes, they just can't manage to find him.

One of the main sources of shouting from my early childhood. QATAR IS NOT EAST OF INDIA, YOU DERP!!!

His name even syncs with the theme song.

Even as an adult, I hear something else when they sing, 'on a slow boat to China.'

Given all of this information, PBS has more than prepared the US for this manhunt, but has equally prepared Edward Snowden for evading capture.

Conclusion?

Edward Snowden = Carmen Sandiego.

Lose vs. Loose or "Don't be a loser: Know the difference between lose and loose."

I never intended this blog to so frequently harp on grammar/correct word usage, but the rampant abuse of vocabulary just pisses me off so much, I can't sit idly by. Plus I think I'm developing a twitch from resisting the urge to smack people when they misuse words. It's normal to react violently to people using words incorrectly, right?

You cannot be an adult and not know this one. People are going to look at you when you use one word when you clearly mean the other, and they are going to judge you. Harshly.

Lose: As in to fail, as in to not win, as in to misplace or go missing.

Loose: As in to be set free, as in not tight, as in a joke about your mom.

A good way to remember the difference is to consider related words:

Lose: Lost, loser, loses.

Loose: Loosen, looser, loosely.

The best example I can think of to help someone remember is this:

There is no show called "Loost." These people are missing and are therefore LOST.

I can't think of any other way to make this clearer, and really, neither can the internet. There are a bunch of resources on this word mix up, but most of them reiterate pronunciation, which doesn't seem to be helping anyone. Their complicated explanations which utilize z's, u's, and other letters that do not belong, were confusing, even for ME.

So the next time you're confused about lose vs. loose, just remember that Lost is not a show about an island of castaway whores (or your mom.)

You're welcome.

Time Machine: Rupaul's Drag Race, Season 4

Alright, so it took me a while to finally track down and/or buy episodes of Season 4 of RuPaul's Drag Race (no thanks to Netflix!) but as of a few weeks ago, I finally got caught up on all but Season 1 of RPDR.

There are only a few things highlights from Season 4 that are worth mentioning:

This Fantastic Bitch, Willam:

That's a gif from her hilarious (and NSFW!) YouTube show, "Willam's Beatdown." Her sarcasm in the face of infuriated competitors is just one of the many reasons why I love her so much. Plus her crocodile tears were so hilarious.

This Professional, Chad Michaels:

She's Cher, bitch! Seriously, best Cher I've ever seen. She might do a better Cher than Cher. Unrelated: I have repeatedly typed 'Chef' when I meant 'Cher.' Chef =/= Cher. I don't think.

This outfit from Little Kenya Michaels, which she unfurled in a wing-like fashioned:

This is only a highlight because when I saw it, I thought this:

She can say she's a phoenix all she wants, but I'm not buying it. That queen spits venom and ate Newman.

And last, but certainly not least, the best thing about the season, my soul sista, Latrice Royale: "She is large and in charge, chunky, yet funky. Bold and Beautiful, baby!"

Oh, and this happened in February!

Yep, I got to meet her at Nu Nightclub! A friend of mine, Eric of "Pop My Flash" snapped the pic of us together! (Heads up, Eric's page features fitness model shots, which may be considered NSFW, depending on your office's policies.)

Yep, these are my pics for highlights. The other contestants aren't really worth mentioning... and you'll note I didn't even include the winner in this bunch. While she is a talented performer and artist, and her work is clean and well thought out, I just didn't find her look overly appealing. And that's okay.

She's still a Glamazonononon...

Conscious vs. Conscience

My vaguely insulting blog entry that discusses the difference between Specific vs. Pacific is consistently one of my biggest traffic generators. I had no idea there were so many people who needed the clarification. And yet somehow, I'm not surprised.

I had several snide remarks ready to explain why I'm not surprised, but then I remembered that I probably shouldn't insult people taking the time visit my blog. Besides, I live to better society! I'm kind of like Batman, when you think about it.



And in the spirit of Batman, I'm going to teach you the difference between 'conscious' and 'conscience.' That way you can avoid looking stupid. I'm like a vigilante; preventing vocabicide!


Conscious has several meanings, but for our purposes, we're going to go with these definitions:

Example: Cartman proved Kenny was not conscious by waving a dollar in his face.

Classic episode.

'Conscious' is used pretty often as a part of other words like 'unconscious' and 'consciousness.' The former word indicates a lack of the latter word.


Conscience has a completely different meaning and application. Namely this:

This is what crickets looked like in 1940.

Or more precisely:

Your conscience is that voice that tells you the difference between right and wrong. Depending on who you are, it can be kind of aggressive.

Hopefully that clears up any confusion there might have been. It bothers me to no end that people were unclear on the proper usage of these—but wait! Citizens! It is the Bat-Signal! I must go and render assistance!

Which can be purchased from this vendor.

Sunday Funday & Community Support

So we got that last bit of snow I wanted! Haha..ha..ha....oops. Sorry to everyone for ruining your first week of spring with my unfulfilled wintertime wishes! I can’t say I’m completely sorry though! It was really quite pretty. I was fortunate enough to remember to take pictures of some of the spring time flowers in the area before this weekend--something I’d been meaning to do!

I love crocuses (croci?) because they're the first hint that spring is coming!

Sadly, most of the flowers I’ve seen post-snow look a little bit worse for wear.

Sad flower is sad.

Another casualty of the snow, Church Hill’s Irish Festival was forced to close early on Sunday. But that was not before a few friends (@rvaplaylist, @kevinclay, and Cristina) and I had a chance to peruse the festival.

Perhaps put off by the forecast and cool temperatures, the crowds were thin--which made Andrew and I VERY happy, as we despise being rammed in the ankles by strollers (being driven by distracted parents who also forget the importance of the phrase, ‘I apologize for that!’) Kevin got his “best ever mac and cheese” made by the lovely people of St. Patrick’s Church. I’m not the biggest fan of their mac and cheese--though I know many would disagree with me. I have ridiculously high standards for one of my favorite foods. Still, that didn’t stop Kev from enjoying it.

I could watch this .gif for hours.

Andrew too. He’s enjoying it so much he had to look away from the camera in order to hide his tears of joy.

After that, it was a quick loop around the festival because the temperature was dropping RAPIDLY. I picked up my long sought after RVA Beard League sticker from Dash.

I fucking love mustaches.

And I got some green beads from the Irish American Society to add to my ever expanding collection.

I really love beads.

And we perused the wares of the vendors. We particularly enjoyed the Say Something Hats.

Don’t they look so handsome? Those hats are definitely saying something. Sadly I neglected to get a picture of Cristina in her fabulous fuchsia chapeau. She definitely looked Strawberry Hill ready!

After the hats and nearly getting run over by a herd of bagpipers (Kevin screamed when he turned around and saw them bearing down on us,) we all decided we wanted a sweet treat, so we headed to one of my favorite places in Church Hill: Sub Rosa Bakery. While en route, the impending winter-esque weather we’d been hearing all about began to come down in the form of painfully sharp bits of ice. (“You know how I--OW! DAMNIT!”) Sub Rosa was a welcome haven, after a few blocks of having this stuff pelted at us.

This picture is from their Google Places page.

It’s amazing. This bakery is one of my favorite places in RVA. It’s so amazing, I didn’t get any pictures of the food because I could only think of consuming the delicious baked goods when I got them. This “problem” has been the case every time I’ve gone there. My favorite item they have is, so far, the seeded braids. They’re chewy and buttery, and they have a spice that I can’t quite identify that makes the flavor so unique and lovely. We headed back to my place after the bakery where pastries were consumed and couch cuddles were had.

Soon thereafter everyone else left, and I got into my PJs, cuddled up in front of my space heater with Season 2 of The Simpsons, and proceeded to take a nice nap. Only to wake up to this:

It was so pretty out! I got a chance to enjoy the snow on my walk with the lovely Brittney, with whom I went to Patrick Henry Pub for some drinks and dinner.

Sunday Funday indeed! It was a really great day, I must say!

It’s worth noting that people attending the festival were much more well behaved this year than last year, aside from continuing to forget that you’re not supposed to park next to a fire hydrant. I’m not really worried about that though, because I have faith the Richmond Fire Department won’t hesitate to do this if my house catches on fire and there’s a car parked next to the hydrant:

Update: So I held off on posting this entry for over a week because I was determined to get up early, go back to Sub Rosa, and get pics of the pastries, but I never was able to get up early enough. Sadly, around midnight on 4/3/13, a fire broke out and Sub Rosa and the above apartment were badly damaged, which led to the building being temporarily condemned. It’s so sad and my heart goes out to the Sub Rosa family and the residents affected by this. I’m really glad everyone is okay.

Efforts are being made to assist both parties in the interim, while insurance does its thing. The community has been rather amazing in their response. It's made me an even prouder Richmonder. Three fundraisers have been organized, and I hope you’ll participate in one.

There's Indiegogo, which is raising funds to help both the residents and the bakery. Over $14,000 has already ben raised!

A food truck event has been organized, featuring some of Richmond's best mobile restaurants!

And The Roosevelt, along with several local (FANTASTIC!) chefs are holding a dinner next week--something I'm really looking forward to!

Also, very important, the residents managed to get their cats out, but they ran off in the chaos of the night. Please help them find their pets!



Here’s hoping the bakery will be up and running in some capacity soon (the owner thinks it could be anywhere from 4-6 months.) I'm so happy they'll be rebuilding!

And since that update was a bit depressing, even with all of the community support, here's a .gif of Kevin dancing in a wig.

Les Misérables

A heads up, this is not necessarily a review. I talk about what I want to talk about, and it includes commentary that compares previous performances and recordings, includes personal anecdotes, and a little bit of this and that. In other words, it's long. It's funny too, but ya know, if you want something short and sweet, you best head over to Jessi's much more reasonably sized review on Richmond.com.


Wednesday night Christmas 2012 came to a close. Yep. My family got to enjoy our group Christmas present: Tickets to see Les Misérables at Landmark Theater.

Les Mis is sort of the family musical. I know I've seen it at least 5 or 6 times. It was the first show I've ever seen—it was at the Roanoke Coliseum when I was 7 years old. I remember being completely appalled by my mother and father's tearful display throughout the show. I was so embarrassed—my parents crying! The shame, the shame! Of course it turned out everyone else had been crying too. On the way out of the show, a good ole boy in his formal flannel and very best denim turned to his also dungaree'd friend and said in a very Southern Virginia accent, "Well there might have been a dry eye in the house, but it sure as hell wasn't mine." As it turned out, when I got older I joined the crying masses, although I'm pretty sure my mom still cries way more than me.

Love you, Mom.

If you don't know the story of Les Mis you can go to Wikipedia and read the plot. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Or don't. I don't particularly care either way; just know that at no point am I going to summarize it for you in this post.

We really enjoyed ourselves—it was once again a beautiful, moving experience. Each company's interpretation is obviously going to be different, as are the strengths and weaknesses of the individual actors. That's what I actually love about seeing a show again and again—it's going to be different in one way or another.

In past shows, Jean Valjean has been performed by actors who tried way too hard to emulate Colm Wilkinson. Wilkinson, whose performance of our tragic hero was fantastically overwrought, is difficult to imitate well, but I've certainly seen it done.

Skip to the :30 mark for a sample of his work.

I'll give you all a moment to collect yourselves.

In this case Wednesday night's Valjean, portrayed by the surprisingly young Peter Lockyer, there was no hint of the specter of Wilkinson hanging over his performance. It was so refreshing seeing an actor's take on a character, instead of an actor's take on another's actor's interpretation. His performance was, more anything humble, the confidence and strength of his character being conveyed as a gradual, natural build, which I quite liked. The humble approach only failed to satisfy when he sang simultaneously with Javert, during which his vocals were lost.

Andrew Varela, who previously played Jean Valjean for 5 years, gave a stunning performance as Inspector Javert. He was flawless, simply put. "Stars" is among one of my favorite songs, and it's one of the few times in my life I wish I were a man, just so I could sing this song. The other times involve camping.

There's a reason why Russell Crowe didn't get nominated for a Golden Globe or an Oscar for his role in the film version of Les Mis: He was unremarkable as a singer, which was most apparent during "Stars." And since I saw the movie I've carried the injury Crowe so carelessly inflicted on me. Enter Valera, the Neosporin to my Russell Crowe wound. And it was more than just "Stars." His commanding performance made him the standout performer in this production.

Alright, honest Oprah time, I freaking love Enjolras. Seriously, I love that character. Even though I can't pronounce his name. It doesn’t matter which production we're talking about, I love him. I have never seen a bad Enjolras. This performance was no exception. Jason Forbach's Enjolras was charismatic, passionate, and hauntingly beautiful.

The Thénardiers, performed by Tom Gulan and Shawna M. Hamic, were solid. Both actors were very comfortable in their comedic roles. Probably the biggest laugh of the show was when Mme Thénardier dropped a silver tray she'd been attempting to make off with. I was particularly glad to see they didn't employ a Cockney accent. I don't really get why others make that acting choice, but it doesn't add anything, IMHO. Also worth nothing, Gulan did a really good job with "Dog Eat Dog." It's really easy to go off the deep end with character acting, and he struck a good balance. "Dog Eat Dog" was one of the songs cut from the film version—something that was pretty disappointing for me.

I not-so-secretly long to play Mme Thénardier, one of those few roles in which a big girl (such as me) can flourish. I'm not exactly sure why the role's always played by a big lady (except for Helena Bonham-Carter, although I'm not really sure why she played Mme Thénardier either.) It doesn’t make sense from a historical standpoint. A poor person isn't going to be fat. It isn't logical. But there's no logic at work here. No, Mme Thénardier is fat because fat people are HILARIOUS. Ending that rant, here.

Not everything was peachy keen though. Devin Ilaw's approach to Marius was a little too meek and boyish for me, and as a result he seemed like the youngest adult in the cast. But maybe I'm biased. I mean after all I am a staunch Nick Jonas as Marius fan.

Lol, j/k. Seriously? They cast him as Marius?? SERIOUSLY?! No. Gtfo, kid. Where's Michael Ball?

Jokes aside, it was obvious how much Ilaw has poured into "Empty Chairs and Empty Tables." The desperation and mourning in his voice brought me to tears.

The only real complaint I have will probably cause anyone who's still reading this far calling me a prude. The graphic sexual miming was a bit much. And I double checked with my friend Jessi, this isn't just me—it was GRAPHIC. I know I'm an adult, but it was awkward to the point of distracting seeing a prostitute mime oral sex. I pretty much missed half of Mme Thénardier's rant about her husband because there were two people in the "balcony" of the tavern set who were having sex, complete with vigorous thrusting motions as her legs were up over her head. Only, of course, to be immediately followed by a change of positions with him going at her from behind as she gave appropriate facial expressions to convey her ecstasy. It was awkward, and I don't care if you lot think I'm a complete prude for saying so. So maybe a little less thrusting next time?

A pretty big change that took some getting used to on my part was the set. In the past, I've seen it performed on a rotating stage; a piece that I'm guessing was expensive, cumbersome, and probably limited which theaters could host the show. Now the show is being done a traditional stage floor. And it's fine, it works for the most part. The only time I think something was lost was during scenes at the barricade. Seeing Enjolras's body draped over the front of the barricade, or seeing Gavroche's final moments, taunting his enemies, even as he dies; the impact of the modified versions of these moments just wasn't as meaningful.

Something that always nags me about the show is the hidden message. Consider who dies and who suffers the most. Good people, for the most part. Even Javert is good, even if he's the antagonist—he's just doing his duty. But then look at the Thénardiers, who abuse Cosette, con their customers, steal from everyone—including from the dead and dying. And they're unapologetic about it. Yet at the end of the show, they are able to successfully parley their way into society, and arguably, (except where love is concerned) end up on top. The innocents suffer while the corrupt win. That's a pretty bleak ending. I guess it's realistic too, when you think about it.

And on that note…