Sunday, July 17, 2011

Beer & Wine: Leave snobbery at the door. Except me.

Beer: I always assumed I’d “get it” once I grew up. As a 27 year old I feel I can say I’m a grown up. Yet I still don’t get beer. There’s always some asshole who declares himself (and it’s always a himself,) an expert on beer and insists that I just ‘haven’t tasted the right beer yet.’ And then they proceed to get some micro-brewed beer, flavored with the finest fruits, and balanced with the most palatable hops, usually spending a pretty penny in the process, only for me to sip it and say, “Yep, it still tastes like beer.”

I don’t get beer. I’ve tried the best, Pabst Blue Ribbon (What?! They wouldn’t give it a blue ribbon if it wasn’t the best right? Fine; I’m kidding, but I have had apparently really good beer.)

I’ve also tried worst, Pabst Blue Ribbon.

And still, I always set down the can or bottle and declare that it tastes like wheat-y, bitter, sewer water.

Wine: Another thing I never “got;” another thing I always assumed I’d understand and enjoy as an adult. That actually turned out true, sort of. I’ve become a fan of Moscato’s and Rieslings, which I’ve been told hardly count as wine because they’re so fruity. Those who insist this, please go drink a bottle Pinot Noir while jacking it to Sideways, you snobby wine bastards.

Now that I’ve lost ¾ of my readers, I’ll continue.

My favorite wines are definitely fruitier. I don’t pay attention to the comments about touches of peach or apricot because I honestly don’t think the people who write that have every tasted an actual peach or apricot. If I’m going to make an evening of it, with my cat and the latest episode of True Blood (ain’t I wild?), I like to settle in with a bottle of Riesling from the Rapidan River Winery. My particular favorite is the dry. I also really enjoy their semi-dry Riesling as well. Rapidan River Winery offers a tasting room at Carter Mountain Orchards. I had opportunity to go to a tasting with friends last year, and ever since the winery has had me sold on their products. Most of what I tried I enjoyed. They’re sold under “Virginia wines” locally, and are affordable at $8.99 a bottle.

I recently found Flip Flop Wines as well. Flip Flop Wines offer a full range of wines, including an excellent Riesling and Moscato. They’re also a socially conscious company, donating a pair of shoes for every bottle purchased—so I can feel good about getting sloshed. Kidding, I actually do like the fact that a product I enjoy offers a benefit to society. The wine is really affordable too, at about $7.99 a bottle. I haven’t tried any of the other wines, but the two I’ve tried are quite tasty. Don’t be scared by the twist top—only snobs are scared by this. You’re not a snob, are you?!

A wine not worth trying: Snap Dragon Riesling. With flavors reminiscent of wasabi and peaches soaked lighter fluid.

I highly discourage anyone from trying this. Admittedly I was taken in by the price ($6.99.) Plus I was bored. I should have just gone with the Polka-Dot wine sitting right next to it on the shelf. Oh well, live and learn!


  1. Oh, my Dear Darlin' Child!! At Last---a Young Folk who sees the Emperor's naked bee-hind and says so.

    I just Don't Get It either, and never will---the taste of beer is just not for me. I think it's beautiful in the glass sometimes, and have fond recollections of the faint, fresh beer breath of an immaculately-showered-and-dressed young man mingling with the crisp starch of a white shirt and the faint whiff of Eau Sauvage Pour un homme---um---where was I, now?

    Daddy always said it was like olives---you just have to keep trying to develop a taste for it. WHY?

    Your taste is uncannily like my own, and you might tell those lovely people who raised you for me, that you can come home any time now.

  2. I would be honored to come home! I'll bring the wine!

  3. Me three!!! Never did get the beer palate. I like some wine, but not those BIG ones that everyone is so crazy about. Mutt-Mutt, Baby Bear!!!

  4. Hysterical! While I do like PBR, other beers (the "classier" ones) are lost on me. Like you, also discovered Flip Flop...the Pinot Noir is yummy.

    Happy new follower!