Sunday, November 1, 2015

To the Evil Effing Child and his Evil Parents: You are Human Garbage.

To the evil child and his parent who undoubtedly purchased the fat mask he wore for his Halloween costume: I almost took your kid’s candy away. I mean it. I have literally been running over what I’d have said if I had thought of it, and all I can think is that you are an evil jerk and so is the parent who paid for it.

Allow me to explain. I was giving out candy to kids, and up comes a 15 yr old-ish kid with a fat mask. I have attempted to find a replica online to show you, but as I’ve been unable to, please just imagine Mama June in chin form. Literally that was all that was involved. A chin that hooked around the bottom half of the face. I asked him what he was, as he wore this mask and sweats. And he replied, ‘I’m a girl.’ That was it. He was a fat girl, y’all. He was just wearing a mask, asking for candy, and pretending to be a fat girl, because it’s funny. Because it’s a farce.

There are no funny gifs. No RuPaul pics. Nothing. There was a child who looked me in the face and told me he was a girl while wearing a fat face and demanding candy, and somehow, I didn’t take his bag from him. I didn’t tell his parents to go eff themselves. Because I’m a good Southern girl. I’m supposed to be jolly and just deal. So I did.

His parents are awful. That child is awful. And they can all go to hell. To that kid: If I’d had the presence of mind, I’d have taken your candy, and I’d gone to the street to talk to your parents. I hope you feel like utter shit in your life, you pathetic nothing of a 15 yr old and parents.

You are human garbage.


  1. I was there and so were Mike and our friends Courtney and Melissa. We were all gobsmacked. Idiots.

  2. The more I've thought about this, the more I can't believe this happened. It's appalling and shameful, and it makes me question the hope of the world getting better if people like that are allowed to walk around and procreate. So very sorry this happened, Jess.

  3. In 15 years, you'll be halfway through a successful and fulfilling career. And he will still be looking at the receipts to see if he got tipped after delivering another lukewarm pizza. Success is the best revenge over such asses.